Note to the reader: I occasionally vent though writing because it’s good for the soul and a healthy expression of anger.. This post one example.

Misogynistic rhetoric says women are inferior, irrational and weak, yet also powerful enough to “destroy civilisation”, “ruin men”, “control courts”, and “rig the system”.

This is what I call the paradox of patriarchy.
Because both cannot be true.

So-called “manfluencers” paint women as conniving and manipulative. They villainise and dehumanise us, as vixen-like “creatures”, deeming us capable of causing the downfall of men.

In the same breath, women are too “emotional”, too “sensitive” and too “unintelligent” to be trusted with any power.

It doesn’t make any sense.

Let’s be clear: this is not a new narrative – it’s a tale as old as time. Women have been blamed for everything at least since written records began.

Think Eve.
Think Medusa.
Think the witch trials.

So let’s unpack it.

If a man’s view is that women are simultaneously power-less and power-full, he’s not describing reality, he’s endorsing a lie.

It’s a lie that seeks to blame others – but especially women – for men’s “pain”, and build resentment so as to justify hate and harm. It endorses the shady notion of supremacy, that somehow men are “better than …(everyone/thing)”. That men “should” have a right to control, and that their role is to protect us from anyone not like them. 

But who is protecting us from them?

This is why divisive arguments that create “us and them”, “in-groups and out-groups”, which include other harms like racism and homophobia (all based on dominance), need to be carefully deconstructed.

Some (many?) men and boys have been conditioned to prioritise power and control over learning and connection, and today’s “manfluencers” exploit that.

They are not offering safety and certainty, they’re simply lining their pockets through a false narrative that promotes entitlement, promises comfort and control, and which some men and boys then choose to believe.

And it IS a choice.

This is not just about “belonging”.

If men and boys were simply seeking a network to tackle their loneliness or meet a need to “fit in”, they’d join a football team, book club or choir. And some do.

For others though, it’s also about aligning (dodgy) beliefs about women and others not like them, with a narrative that says it’s not men that have to change, because men’s truth is the truth and so they have the “right” to power. 

It’s upheld by a system – patriarchy – crafted to promise men (control of) the world.

Men with “manfluence” provide – and perform – a narrow script of manhood, with toxic ideas of what it means to “be a man”.

But if they really cared about men and boys, they’d choose a script that’s wider, and more inclusive. More healthy.

They don’t.

So it’s not really about fear or “belonging”.
It’s not really about “protecting” anyone or anything.
It’s not even just about manfluencers, but a wider culture of prioritising greed, entitlement, comfort and power over others.

And unless we start to deconstruct the narratives behind it, the hate and harm will continue.

That hurts all of us, men included.

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